Tuesday, October 11, 2011
Life is coldblooded...
When I say that I mean, that when you look at it in retrospect, you figure out things that you wish you would have picked up on, but for some reason...you didn't.
(If I only knew then, what I know now...)
My ex boss use to always say, "I hate bad smells". Me being the weirdo I am, I always thought that she was insinuating that she could smell the marijuana that I had just smoked on break, or she wanted me to add a little more bleach to the toilet she use to bomb after early morning dump. She got fired soon after that so i really didn't pay her remarks any mind. With similar comments here and there, I really never took the remarks to heart. I am a pretty hygenic dude, so I honestly had no reason to feel like they were addressing me. However, I guess they were doing as my elders say, "Throwing rocks".
Six months ago, I was in a Goodwill Training Course. It was there that I was informed about my situation. It was quite the horrific experience. People making direct comments, making sure that they weren't in groups or paired up with me, giving me those "You dress better than me...but you smell homeless by the mouth looks"!
It got so bad, that I felt as though I didn't want to live no more, seriously. How do you chew gum, suck mints and still have people treat you like you have the plague. One day we had took a trip to the city dump. In my head I am like, I shouldn't hear none of that b.s., but this fat latin chick says, "Hey Lannie, you like the smell here..." Needless to say, me and her stayed getting into it...Point being, this was the discovery that a issue had developed.
With not having fulltime work, it was hard to get the health care, I knew I needed, to rectify the problems I was having. Additional problem, my marijuana abuse. Financially, I was incapable of handling my affairs and getting the care I needed, so that was the boost I needed to quit smoking weed everyday. You would have thought that having a son would have been initiative enough, but it wasn't. Not that I don't unconditially love him, but the pain of not being capable of not being able to provide for him in the fashion I would like...kept me smokin' on a blunt. Bad breath, as I said before...made me want to cease living. The way people treat you, it's the worse feeling in the world. I try to consult my girl, but she really doesn't understand. She thinks that my answer is simply getting a job, but how can you get a job when everywhere you go, you get treated like Hitler, honestly.
But I finally did kick the kush, and managed to get some dental insurance. I recently dealt with a doctor and she informed me that orally my mouth wasn't in that bad a shape. I noticed that the staff, treated me the same way that every one else did. The dentist said that my issue could be, my diet or something else (nasal infection, liver, or stomach) internally. Sigh!!!
I just want to get a job and provide for my family, but it seems like this is going to be harder to kick than I thought.
Until then, the asians at the supermarket I work parttime at...will have to continue to give me those upside- down you turn me looks. Hot-Damn!!!