I stopped thru to say hello

I stopped by the hotel to check in with my mom yesterday, right after I found out that last months storage bill hadn't been paid. After some thought, I went ahead and paid the amount so I would be able to remove the few bags which I had put in there last month until I got my living conditions stabilized. I don't have a problem with helping my family out with financial issues when I can, but they are horrifically awful with communication. I tend to feel better about situations knowing exactly what I am getting myself into, instead of walking into the den without preparation for the slaughter.

I called my mother to inform her that they took the lock off for the moment, and that she should try to stay current with keeping up her bills. If she doesn't she and the rest of my sisters and brothers will lose all that they can't carry by hand. She agreed, but she and I know better, it's only a matter time until the situation arises again. I don't fault her for keeping a roof over her and her children's head, however my brother who is mentally disabled has his own hotel room while the rest of the family (5 at the moment) share a room upstairs. Not only is that not cost efficient, it's just plain unfair to treat him as if he is some sort of king, when he is partly responsible for the eviction in the first place. I tried my best to offer suggestions and intervene, however it was to no avail, and it seemed as if it was beginning to birth a rift between my mother and I, so I retreated. If they like it, I love it...I guess? The thing is, I now that they don't.

On the upside, my mother won a Ipod Touch, which she was trying to sell for $250 to keep their rooms for the next two days. I offered her $200 and bought it. That, plus the storage fee, rent, phone bill, internet service, food... I guess you get my drift... I am trying to hang on, but shit-I just did 8 years in San Quentin, I know tomorrow's not promised, so let's do the damn thang!

youth speaks poetry slam finals

This was absolutely a most amazing night of militant minds and masterful mouths. Today I was able to witness my first "Youth Speaks" poetry slam. It was basically...OFF THE HOOK!"
From the youngest member (13), to the oldest(19). They all showed the characteristics of a polished performer. With topics ranging from the war in Iraq, to the lack of love that a father has for his son who chooses to pick up his pen instead of his fists for fighting, no area was left untouched, except the usual topic of "gettin' yo' groove on", which to me was very surprising, yet refreshing. Let the old foggies worry about sexin' it up, youngstas got more important issues to worry about, and that's saving the world.

The Great Elephant

Kosi ama Kosi
constantly considering
the fate of his people.

His passion
to put them,
to push them,
to pull them...if necessary
by any means
help them,
to rise
like a damaged sun.

Baduismz

Soldier

see he's organized
and he's on the ball
never miss a day of school
and he's an underdog
wanna learn more and more
pa and mama taught him good
He's about to change the face
of yo ghetto neighborhood
walking to school today
saw a brother on the streets
seem like errthang was cool
said the brother's packing heat
oop oop
then everything changed
cuz he saw his own wings
and his mother was sad
they will last
time will past

Lately I have been listening to Sistah Erykah Badu's new album "New Amerykah". This is my favorite cut on the album. I was listening to it today as I went shopping for a few items. I purchased a new camera, since my old one some how happened to stop functioning. It's a HP, it came as a package with a printer as well. It's funny how all my equipment happens to be manufactured by Hewlett Packard, I like their products, so it's all good.

But as I was saying I went shopping to grab a few items to start my t-shirt venture off again. I have to hustle, it's in my blood. I just hope that the creative process enters into what I plan to do, so not only do I make a profitable investment in myself, but I get to do something which I enjoy as well. I tried to hurry up because tonight was the "Youth Speaks" semi-finals. I was supposed to meet up with my new friend Lynn and my potnah Audrey. Well Lynn got caught up in Oakland so she was unable to make it, so me and little brah, advanced to 151 3rd street. As i walked past people who stayed in their fancy hotel suites, I thought to myself, maybe one day I will be steppin' out of a jazzy hotel like that. But till then I am quite happy with my living arrangement so far. Audrey and I conversed about how our computer training will hopefully pay off soon, because we both now that procrastination leads to no occupation!

Once we got there we were informed that the remaining 25 tickets that they held were already sold. People were waiting in line with hopes that once intermission came, they would be able to grab a seat from a attendee that left. Me and Audrey, "jus' left". It's all goood though, because I will grab us some tickets online for the finals next weekend. Well I gotta study, when it comes to Street Tech, I am the underdog! Peace Lannie

It seems like forever....

Few things are more nerve-racking for a woman than doing it in front of a camera for the first time. Luckily, Los Angeles bombshell Maliah Michel (pronounced me-shell) isn’t clothes minded. “I got naked,” recalls the giggly 23-year-old about her debut photo op. While Maliah, who makes scene-stealing appearances in videos like Twista’s “Girl Tonite” and Game’s “Put You on the Game,” appears to be sold on the less-is-more ideal, there are some obsequious characteristics within that jaw-dropping 36-26-45 frame of hers.

“I can be the girl in every man’s fantasy,” Maliah whispers.

It seems like forever since I last posted a entry. A lot has happended since. I aged another year, and made a transition from the B.A.S.N. transitional house. I moved to another program, called Phatt Chance. It's a lovely 4 story house with about a dozen men, including myself sharing rooms. I currently don't have a room. I am located in the basement, with 3 other gentlemen. I don't do too much mingling, so I only know the guys that i am around most of the time, and we don't talk that much either. I don't have the time to socialize, life is study and work-and at the same time I am working on studying life.

It's Sunday so I am trying to be more organized by handling my weeks work in advance, not waiting for the last minute. I have all my appointments logged into my Ipod "Nano". As I was logging my contacts in I noticed my friend from the penitentiary's number. I heard from his wife that he got back at it, and got caught up about 6 months back. I always mean to call, but today I finally did, with hopes that my good friend was finally back out. Sad to say he wasn't. It seems as if the ole boy from L.A., really got himself into this time. The bad part is that he basically did it for this female who most of the urban hip hop crowd knows as Maliah Michel, but I know of her as Nicole the stripper from Pasadena. While we were in the joint, he use to show me pictures of the cars he bought her, of her partying in New Orleans, and how he use to take her to the mall and just blow boo-koo dollars on her expensive tastes. I won't go into details, but he was getting milked and when she sent him the dear John letter, you would have thought that he would have seen it for what it was, but no, he was intent on gettin' back in the game and gettin' that goldigga with all his heart. From what I heard he did give her some more money but he got wrapped up by the Fedz, in midst of playing "Captain." The cold part of the whole thing is, is that he has a beautiful wife and a son who is truly probably on his way to the N.F.L at the age of 15. What can a man be thinking after doing 3 years, to want to jeopardize his own freedom, let alone remove himself from the lives of his real family?

I guess it's really like my boy TPain says, "I'm in luv wit' a stripper." As for Miss Maliah, I really can't hate, 'cause I guess if you see a fool, you use a fool, or in her words," “I can be the girl in every man’s fantasy!”

live laugh and love

live, laugh, and love
all that surrounds you
anything that succumbs to you.


the last time...
was many moons ago
so at any moments notice
i am ready
to love, live and laugh
smile, care, and cry.

be here with you in heart
then die
as a black man.

my affinity
for the "Shining Serpent"
Black hero one minute...black villian
the next
a walking contradiction
a panther with conviction
bending against the wind of 'izm
i am him
and he was me
rappin', actin', fightin', recitin'
poetry

"Dear mama" please "Keep ya head up"
because tonight
we will "Ride on our enemies"
and "If I die 2nite"
don't "Pour out a little liquor"
because this life
has given me "So many tears"
jus' continue to give me
"Unconditional Love"
'cause "Life goes on"
and this is the "Ballad of a dead Soulja"
this world will never know
anotha "Soldier like me"
in all my splendor
i will cycle towards the heavens
wings blazing crimson
with "All eyez on me"
wondering to myself...
"Does heaven have a ghetto?"

until that moment
i will laughlivelove
smilecare and cry
be here with you in heart
then die