Sunday, March 30, 2008

I stopped thru to say hello

I stopped by the hotel to check in with my mom yesterday, right after I found out that last months storage bill hadn't been paid. After some thought, I went ahead and paid the amount so I would be able to remove the few bags which I had put in there last month until I got my living conditions stabilized. I don't have a problem with helping my family out with financial issues when I can, but they are horrifically awful with communication. I tend to feel better about situations knowing exactly what I am getting myself into, instead of walking into the den without preparation for the slaughter.

I called my mother to inform her that they took the lock off for the moment, and that she should try to stay current with keeping up her bills. If she doesn't she and the rest of my sisters and brothers will lose all that they can't carry by hand. She agreed, but she and I know better, it's only a matter time until the situation arises again. I don't fault her for keeping a roof over her and her children's head, however my brother who is mentally disabled has his own hotel room while the rest of the family (5 at the moment) share a room upstairs. Not only is that not cost efficient, it's just plain unfair to treat him as if he is some sort of king, when he is partly responsible for the eviction in the first place. I tried my best to offer suggestions and intervene, however it was to no avail, and it seemed as if it was beginning to birth a rift between my mother and I, so I retreated. If they like it, I love it...I guess? The thing is, I now that they don't.

On the upside, my mother won a Ipod Touch, which she was trying to sell for $250 to keep their rooms for the next two days. I offered her $200 and bought it. That, plus the storage fee, rent, phone bill, internet service, food... I guess you get my drift... I am trying to hang on, but shit-I just did 8 years in San Quentin, I know tomorrow's not promised, so let's do the damn thang!

4 comments:

create said...

Lannie...hello...well for a starter...some sad news came my way as i came home this evening...a young man name COREY.
was killed...who use to be a neighbor...friend..and related to us through my son's father...grew
up in the community..very close to my kids...to me...to the whole enviorment..well loved...handsome
well educated..A graduate of Queens college...DEGREE in business administration...licensed realitor..sold homes for a living..left behind 2 beautiful children...loved by everyone...silence..when my son opened da door to my room..looked at me..paused...said...mommy i gotta tellya something..it aint good..i was reading your blog..then he said...ELIJAH was shot last night..he died..first thing was my grand..but i know he wasn't talking about him..when he said Cory..i say no..no not my boy
not my boy..tears..tears..now i'm lost..need my friends..my son Nate

said he was defending his partner at a club in brooklyn last night
when shots rang out...he got hit in da back 2 times..died... the whole area when i came in was so quiet..u can hear the highway cars honkin on da street..my home is silent,,everywhere u look...peacful..like his life..a wonderful guy...i must present myself tomorrow i'm off too..gotta pay my respects..i must be in silence..this hit me hard..can't believe it..he was like a son of mine..and i won't forget him callin me ma.or MsJ..ME I'M SHARIN myself with you tonite..i need u friend..to talk..was a good thang going to see mom this weekend..learned more about your family..mentally disturbed..my brotha was too..he died though,,the alcoholic i told u about..we have so much in common..it scares me Lannie..God works in mysterious ways..it's more like dejavo...u and i years apart..but..similar backgrounds..so coincidental..i guest in terms of distance..we feel one another's life long force meeting up with pain...helping out in da end....thats a good thang..thanku 4 hearin my cries..needed your shoulder to cry on..create..sheila

create said...

crocodiles..fallen angels..reptiles
caltrone snakes...wakes the eternal subject..God child..who was an angel with wings to emerge soring..but not aiming..becomes da bullitt...enlarged in his spinal..riddled bac..my son..my babah..my number of many..who loves you so much...the call of da wild...aims ..fires at his car..D.O.A..BYE ...ELIJAH..A JUST CAUSE..PAVES YOUR WAY TO..BECAUSE HEAVEN..A BETTER PLACE..HATE WEAPONS..GUNS OF WAR..BUT ONCE YOU BCOME AN CONCLUSION...THE GUN WEARS U..

PTII
FAMILY
it's without sayin..your da man
whenever she needs your attention...your da man...when God had you become adulthood..your da man...when out liners..gets put in their place..your da man ..a person who sets da pace for ill-minded misfortune...turns itself around 2 what's mistaken..saves my life..as well as others..lost in transition..i'll make it right..for all my people...Ross Lannie..it's been a pleasure my love...entertaining you for a change..certain events...not 2b expected..but i had 2 let it out..peace...loveya...sheila&=^)

create said...

MR ROSS...THIS IS VERY IMPORTANT..SO LISTEN...THE MOTION TO EXIST...GOD HAD A PLAN...IN IT...THERE WAS TROUBLE BREWIN... LIFE KNEW NOT WHAT WAS ABOUT TO HAPPEN...MEANING YOU...WHEN GOD SAW WHAT THE LIVING IS DOING...SUBJECTS OF LIFE..TURNS IT'S BACK ON HIM...U..FAMILY EVERYONE..IT MIGHT SOUND HARSH...BRUTAL FOR SOME...BUT I FOLLOW MY GOD..WORSHIP HIM AS SO MY MOM..SHE IS THE ARMOUR...SHIELD
WHAT CARRIED OUR LIVES THROUGH..A FAMILY OF TEN CHILDREN (5)BOYS AND(5) GIRLS WHERE HER LIFE WAS ROBBED FROM BECOMING A NURSE...MY DAD WOULDN'T LET HER WORK OR HAVE A LIFE...DUE TO MOTHERHOOD..WANTED HER HOME WITH US...WHERE SHE STAYED
ALL HER LIFE..NOW AT 96...WE HAVE TO TAKECARE OF HER...SUCH IS LIFE..BUT
YOUR PEOPLE ARE NOT SUPPORTING ONE ANOTHER..SUCH AS LIFE...BUT..ON THE OTHER HAND...GOD HAD SOMETHING FOR YOU TO DO..LANNIE..NOT BY CHOICE..BUT..BY DISCIPLINE..YOUR A WONDERFUL YOUNG MAN..I DON'T GIVE A SHIT HOW OLD YA ARE...I SO WANT THE PRODIGAL Son..ONE WHO IS WORTHY..WEARS SCARES..GOT HIMSELF CLEANED UP..CHANGED HIS LIFE..BUT..NOT AT DA EXPENSE OF BEING TESTED BY GOD..FOR THIS..I MUST NOT INTERFERE
WITH GOD'S INTERVENTION TO CHANGE YOUR HOME..FAMILY...CHILDREN...YOU
I WILL NOT MAKE EXCUSES FOR CRIMES MET...WHILE MOM IS STUGGLING TRIED TO SAVE A FAMILY IN POVERTY...WITH NO HELP IN SIGHT HOMIE...NOW DON'T GET ME WRONG..I'VE GROWN TO LOVE YOU WITH ALL MY HEART AND SOUL...BUT..WHERE WERE YOU..WHEN HER LIGHTS WENT OUT ON LOSING HER SON..DA OLDEST AT THAT...SMART...ARTICULATE..GAVE UP ON HELPING LEGALLY..SORRY..DID U FOLLOW YOUR DREAM OR WAS IT YOUR GREED..SELFISH OUTCRIES..GOTTA GET MINES..AT ANY MEANS NECESSARY..LANNIE..LIKE JAMES BROWN SAID IN ONE OF HIS SONGS..PAY DA COST 2B BOSS..DA HEAD OF DA HOUSEHOLD..BE EAZY SOLDIER..YOUR A GOOD SON..PROCEED..HOLD YOUR OWN AS WELL AS OTHERS..THERES A CROSS 2BARE...HANDLE YOUR BUSINESS...CREATE..SJ

create said...

a thought comes to mind when i stare into your eyes...when i look..imagine having you as mine...evry itme i see your forcefulness...it shines..like a specticle of color...soring through life's universe..life is being lifted...your da strong ..that carries me away from slaughter...anger ...stress and ill-moral antics..which tries my patience..i'm forever in depth tp your will and exposure to warm kisses and tender love missions..ths slengh has spoken,.the prey becomes woman..having sex many miles away from touch and go sensations..i've felt your hands..form a water flow..not from h2o..but by chemically human nature's liquidation..turns off and on..once i see you evolution..cumming outta you..resisting every single emotion..GOTTA IMAGE..but not get
your thang..damit..so i just dream..sheila