Sunday, March 9, 2008

It seems like forever....


Few things are more nerve-racking for a woman than doing it in front of a camera for the first time. Luckily, Los Angeles bombshell Maliah Michel (pronounced me-shell) isn’t clothes minded. “I got naked,” recalls the giggly 23-year-old about her debut photo op. While Maliah, who makes scene-stealing appearances in videos like Twista’s “Girl Tonite” and Game’s “Put You on the Game,” appears to be sold on the less-is-more ideal, there are some obsequious characteristics within that jaw-dropping 36-26-45 frame of hers.

“I can be the girl in every man’s fantasy,” Maliah whispers.


It seems like forever since I last posted a entry. A lot has happended since. I aged another year, and made a transition from the B.A.S.N. transitional house. I moved to another program, called Phatt Chance. It's a lovely 4 story house with about a dozen men, including myself sharing rooms. I currently don't have a room. I am located in the basement, with 3 other gentlemen. I don't do too much mingling, so I only know the guys that i am around most of the time, and we don't talk that much either. I don't have the time to socialize, life is study and work-and at the same time I am working on studying life.

It's Sunday so I am trying to be more organized by handling my weeks work in advance, not waiting for the last minute. I have all my appointments logged into my Ipod "Nano". As I was logging my contacts in I noticed my friend from the penitentiary's number. I heard from his wife that he got back at it, and got caught up about 6 months back. I always mean to call, but today I finally did, with hopes that my good friend was finally back out. Sad to say he wasn't. It seems as if the ole boy from L.A., really got himself into this time. The bad part is that he basically did it for this female who most of the urban hip hop crowd knows as Maliah Michel, but I know of her as Nicole the stripper from Pasadena. While we were in the joint, he use to show me pictures of the cars he bought her, of her partying in New Orleans, and how he use to take her to the mall and just blow boo-koo dollars on her expensive tastes. I won't go into details, but he was getting milked and when she sent him the dear John letter, you would have thought that he would have seen it for what it was, but no, he was intent on gettin' back in the game and gettin' that goldigga with all his heart. From what I heard he did give her some more money but he got wrapped up by the Fedz, in midst of playing "Captain." The cold part of the whole thing is, is that he has a beautiful wife and a son who is truly probably on his way to the N.F.L at the age of 15. What can a man be thinking after doing 3 years, to want to jeopardize his own freedom, let alone remove himself from the lives of his real family?

I guess it's really like my boy TPain says, "I'm in luv wit' a stripper." As for Miss Maliah, I really can't hate, 'cause I guess if you see a fool, you use a fool, or in her words," “I can be the girl in every man’s fantasy!”

Sunday, March 2, 2008

live laugh and love


live, laugh, and love
all that surrounds you
anything that succumbs to you.


the last time...
was many moons ago
so at any moments notice
i am ready
to love, live and laugh
smile, care, and cry.

be here with you in heart
then die
as a black man.

my affinity
for the "Shining Serpent"
Black hero one minute...black villian
the next
a walking contradiction
a panther with conviction
bending against the wind of 'izm
i am him
and he was me
rappin', actin', fightin', recitin'
poetry

"Dear mama" please "Keep ya head up"
because tonight
we will "Ride on our enemies"
and "If I die 2nite"
don't "Pour out a little liquor"
because this life
has given me "So many tears"
jus' continue to give me
"Unconditional Love"
'cause "Life goes on"
and this is the "Ballad of a dead Soulja"
this world will never know
anotha "Soldier like me"
in all my splendor
i will cycle towards the heavens
wings blazing crimson
with "All eyez on me"
wondering to myself...
"Does heaven have a ghetto?"

until that moment
i will laughlivelove
smilecare and cry
be here with you in heart
then die

Monday, January 21, 2008

got work?


I haven't been too much blogging lately because I started a part-time job, thanks to my "big brah" from the program which I stay. He moved out but right before he left he hooked me up with one of his gigs because he knew how much my family and I have been strugglin'. It really came in handy because my bank account was runnin' on empty.

I am working at the notorious "The O.C. Projects" on Eddy Street. It's a housing project which is directly across the street from where my family was evicted three weeks prior. When I walk by I get that sense of deja vu, that this is home-but it's not. Once I reach my destination it only reiterates the reasons my mother was trying her hardest to move her family out of this neighborhood. I have witnessed women who were old enough to be my grandmother squat between parked cars and defecate without shame. Although the exterior of the homes are to say the least adequate, the honor in which the residents have for their community is worse than what a Tennessee hog would have for his sty. Needless to say, I understand that after years of living in squalor, these folks have no idea of what "pride" in your community is. Honestly the state in which they choose to tolerate is the least of my worries, I try to do my job and watch out for the gunshots.

Tuesday, January 8, 2008

It must have killed me, 'cause I feel dead!!!

The past week has been very difficult for me. The situation could seriously be made into a t.v. movie, which is why I am still not in a position to talk about it quite yet. It's that deep!!!

It took a full 4-5 days for me to recuperate somewhat, I went for a few bike rides and took some pictures. I was unable to study and right now thats all that should truly be on my mind. I am almost at the end of my time at this program so I have slight worries in my mind about being homeless myself. With so much on my plate it would easy to say, "fuck this" and rob someone or do something which would put me in harms way, with the justification that I could use the money and if nothing else...my mama needs it!!! Sad to say, thats enough for me to make me make some awful decisions. But on the flip side after doing eight years in prison, I know that, that is not in the equation...you feel me?

Well tomorrow it's back to business, got to go to school. Peace

Friday, January 4, 2008

man make my mama move( what a difference a day makes)

man make my mama move
move her daughter
plus 4 sons
her lemon sweet
& tupac poster
comcast box with the internet bonus switch

the internets out-the internets out
so are we-so are we

mama cried,
them tears wit' no watyr
& I was glad
'cause I aint won't her to die
over a sea of me

don't worry bout me no mo' mama,
jus' keep eatin' crackers
on top of cream cheese,
& pepsi on the rocks,
don't worry 'bout me
eating you outta house and home
if anything mama

i will be the one sleepin' in a cardboard box...

Thursday, January 3, 2008

you gots ta go (part one)

My home is San Francisco. Even though I would love to travel the earth...there is no where that I would rather be. The art, the food, the people, the life...it's all here ready to taste on the tip of your earnest tongue. For some however, San Francisco is a place of high rent, high food, and people gettin' high as well. My mama fell victim to the first. Eviction. It wasn't necessarily due to high rent...But once she got evicted from her low income housing she was in dire need of somewhere to go...With a household of people and no immediate income, things where looking grim. A three bedroom, or a four bedroom was easily $2000 or more a month. I really am not prepared for what will happen next...